HEY HEY YOU YOU, I Don't Like Your Girlfriend!
by HEY YOU with the glasses
Summary: Bella is changed by Laurent out of want, not by being attacked and three years later, While she and Jacob are at a movie theatre there she spots Edward. Wait! Who's the Blonde that's holding his hand? FUNNY humor & Romance. Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight
1. Jamba Juice, The Elderly Perv, Wierd Hai

There I was. My sad, bored vampire self sitting at the Jamba Juice counter near the movie theatre, slowly drinking my Carribean Passion and trying to resist knocking the guy at the register out because of his provacative thoughts. Yes, I know you're wondering 'what the heck? she can drink Jamba Juice?' and the answer is yes. I drink animal blood once in a while but I mainly crave human food.

"Hey," said a smiling figure that came to sit next to me. I was just about to snap at that person but then i realized it was only Jacob. Me and Jacob we are still the bestest of friends even though our kinds are supposed to be enemies. Surprisingly, none of the pack or even Billy, have a problem with me. They say that i was a wierd human and vampire. I guess they're right. Ever since I've been changed by Laurent, i've never had the urge to drink human blood. It actually kind of smelled a little wierd to me.

"Hey Jake. What movie are we seeing?" I asked smiling now that Jake was here.

"Let's go see...OCEAN'S 13!" he yelled the last part, earining us stares from people in Jamba Juice.

"Awwww, but i wanted to see Nancy Drew...Max Theoriot is a studmuffin," I said the last part winking. He laughed and responded.

"Whatever Bella, You do realize you can have _any_ guy you want right?" he said matter-of-factly. It was true. Being a vampire was fun, but the beauty was like a curse. I hated it; all of it, the lustful stares, provocative thoughts, constant guys trying to hit on me, it was all really disturbing my time with Jacob. And before you ask, NO, me and Jacob aren't dating. First of all Jacob was a werewolf and I was vampire, two, apparently the whole pack wanted my and they all made a pact that none of them could date me, and three, I've even seen Billy throw me a few lustful glances which is really quite disturbing.

"Let's go," I said as i pulled out my red 8.9 mega-pixel camera that laurent had given me for me birthday, along with a new porsche carrerra GT.

"Why did you just take out your camera?" Jacob asked, worried.

"YOU DON'T KNOW?" I stared at him with wide eyes.

"Ummmm, no?" he said, questioning himself.

"Well...we are going to make a JOURNEY TO THE MOVIE THEATRE!" I yelled happily, causing everyone to stare yet again.

"But...but we made a journey to the bus stop just yesterday..."

"I KNOW. " I said like it was totally obvious. "But this is going to be waayyy better," He went along with it, and we made our journey across the street to the movie theatre. When we got there the girl that worked there was sending my envious glares and told me to put my camera away.

"Sheesh, you party pooper," I said to her.

"Excuse me?" She said sounding totally offended.

"I said 'Sheesh, you-" I was then cut off by Jacob who was trying to lead me to the gate our movie was at while muttering some stuff about getting us kicked out like last time.

"HEY!" I said, "That guy was being totally inapropiate!" I shot back

"He was elderly, Bella. And then you kicked him in the groin."

"You would have to if you heard his dilusional fantasy about me and him and some sort of 'naughty student and handsome, young headmaster' story."

"Ewww, that's gross. Nevermind. We're here," As soon as he said that he let go of me so i could find us seats in the theatre.

Okay, there really was no finding involved since there was only four people in theatre, obviously because Nancy Drew came out weeks ago. Me and Jake went to sit about five seats behind the four people since they got the best seats directly in the middle. As i sat down i could see four heads. They were both together. Must be a double date. There was a short, jet black haired girl with a tall blonde haired guy. Next to them were a platinum blonde girl and a wierdly colored boy with bronze hair. That boy looked a lot like Edward's hair. I had gotten over Edward about a month after he left. I mean. he didn't love me, it wasn't his fault, or mines. So whatever. But that didn't mean I didn't stop loving him, I just stopped obssessingly loving him; It's like i forgot about him. Which i kind of did.. hmmm. The guy in front of us with the bronze hair, had hair a lot similiar to Edwards'. Edward's hair was alway kind of wierd.

"Hey Jake, the guy in front of us has wierd hair," I whispered so quietely that i had to make my lips touch his ear in order to hear; no human would have ever heard that. I saw the girl with jet black hair giggle and the male blonde hair snicker. The girl with platinum blonde hair turned around to glare at me and when I saw her face i gasped. She was beautiful and had pale skin with purple like bruises under her eyes. she was a vampire.


	2. Antonio, fake British accents, laughs

She was a vampie; she smirked when she saw how i was awed by her beauty but her eyes quickly loaded with envy as she studied me. Even though i was a vampire, you could never tell. One of my many powers was to change my appearance.

**A/N: Bella's powers will be revealed throughout the story**

However, I could only change: my skincolor, eye color, and hair. My facial features and hieght can never be changed. My current colors were all natural: voluminess brown hair, chocolate brown eyes that simultaneously turned teal, and the only thing i changed was that i gave myself a slight tan that i kept permanately with my look.

Even though I saw that the blonde had topaz eyes, I really wanted to leave it just felt too awkward. Also if you're wondering why the vampires weren't running away in disgust because of Jake's smell, it's because ever since I told him he smelled like rotting animal corpses he started to wear somekind of chemical cologne around me and I didn't really mind it. Actually, It smelled better than humans do to me.

"Jake," I said getting his attention, "Let's blow this popsicle stand." As soon as i said this the girl with jet black hair giggled and the blonde girl turned around to glare at me AGAIN. What was wrong with her? Why does she keeps glaring at me!?!

"What is wrong with you!?," I asked, surprised by my outburst,"Why do you keep staring at me?!?" I screamed. God, why do i always blurt stuff outloud. When I said thia everyone except the blonde girl burst out laughing. Even the bronze haired boy.

I recognized that laugh, and I guess Jake did too because i felt him stiffen.

"Let's go Ja-" WAIT, wouldn't he recognize Jake? Jake still looked the same except he had a little mustache , which i have been trying to get him to shave, so i finished by saying

"...Antonio," He nodded to agree but he then just realized what i had called him and he gave me a look that questioned my sanity.

As we bolted out our rows and down the isle i was stopped by someone tripping me. As i got up i saw the short girl with jet black hair smile at me. Alice! And right next to her was a smirking Jasper. Edward and the blonde girl, luckily didn't notice me. They were too busy in a passionate kiss.

**A/N: If you're wondering Bella doesn't really mind because her feelings for Edward have faded. For now at least. ;)**

'Hello Bella' Alice mouthed. I laughed nervously as i wore my hood to cover my face; I was pretty sure that I looked like an idiot. Jacob quickly did the same and

coincidently, just as we finished, Edward and the blonde turned their attention to us. The blonde was glaring at me, of course.

"Hello, I'm Alice culle. What are your names?" Alice asked me sweetly. I was going to kill her and Jasper too, who was snickering until i sent him a death glare.

"This is my fiance, Dani, and my name is Antonio," Jacob replied for us in a heavy and totally fake, British accent. I elbowed him in the ribs with my vampire strenghth for being so idiotic. And then he said

"OWWW BELLA! That hurt!" OMG, that idiot.


	3. Bella & Jacob Sundaes

Before anyone could responde, Jacob and I were rushing out the theatre. Thanks to my vampire speed and

Jacob's...um...er...werewolf 'speed', we got out of there before anyone could spot us. I am much more faster than

Jake will ever be though,but if you ask him he will try to deny it out of embarrassment. After about two

minutes of running away I got pretty bored and I noticed they weren't following us (or weren't doing a very good job).

"I'm bored, Jake. Let's stop. Noone's following us..." I breathed, trying to sound exhausted as i took a seat on a nearby bus bench. However, Jake knew that i wasn't one to get tired easily.

"We've been running for, what? a minute?" he asked as he took a seat next to me on the bus bench.

"NO," I corrected him, "Two minutes, actually." I said in a duhhhhhhh tone.

"Sure...HEY, i see a Coldstone's across the street, shall we grace them with our presence?" he asked standing up and offering me a hand.

"Let's," I replied taking his hand and hurrying across the street to the Coldstone Creamery. We entered the cozy creamery and were overcome by the smell of fresh baked cookies. That's always what i smelled whenever i went near a Baskin Robin, Dairy Queen, or any other ice cream shop, strangley.

Jacob and I went to pick our ice cream flavors, which took about thirty minutes, due to the fact that Jake had

insisted on tasting about EVERY SINGLE flavor they had. Even the fat free ones, which he hated. I could tell that

the creamery girl didn't mind, didn't mind at all. Jake is a pretty good looking guy, I mean he is after all sort

of beautiful.

When Jake had finally settled on the Coffe Lovers (after 'tasting' it THREE times) and I got a hot fudge sundae,

we found our seat. When we settled on a seat farthest away from the window, just in case, i figured it was time to

explode on him about his stupidity.

"Nice going _Antonio, _" I half yelled and half whispered to him.

"Hey! I did a _great _job covering my voice up! You were the one who blew it by _injuring _me, _Dani,_" he replied,

smirking.

"Whatever, _Fiance_," I replied scooping my whip cream and smearing it all over his face.

"_HEY!_ What was that for!?"

"Oh, that was just Bella's version of the romantic whip cream over nose scene. Aren't you filled with love yet,

_hon_?" I asked grinning smugly.

"Oh yeah, I'm _burning_ with desire," he replied pouring the hot fudge over my hair. He's lucky i couldn't feel that

or else he'd be six feet under already.

"UGHHH! you...you..._bastard_ !" I screamed, getting the attention of evryone in the creamery. "I hate you Jacob

Black," I concluded smiling, because i could see the manager debating whether or not to kick us out.

"I love you too, Bells," he replied smirking.

"That's great," I said through clenched teeth, "then you'll forgive me for doing this," I said as i took the remnants of

my ice cream and massaged it into his hair.

Okay, now I was pretty sure the manager was going to kick us out. This happened often to me and Jake, we got

kicked out of every other place we went to for being "punks" was what one manager of a seattle library called us.

But that was our trademark.

"We usually got kicked out for: either throwing CD's at eachother at music stores and recieving glares from all the

depressed, music is my life emos TO creating fake, dramatic break up scenes at an out of town Starbucks, just

because we were purely just bored.

* * *

**A/N: LISTEN, i know I've been...dead...but that's because i was in California. But now I'm back! Oh heads up: next to be updated is The Forks Talent Show. REVIEW, for now. I understand this is a kind of boring chapter but i just wanted to get Bella and Jacob's friendship really well defined. THEY'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS. Next chapter preview: Special guest...a variety of rich private school snobs...and maybe an Edward Cullen?**


	4. Chapter 4

Oh hello there, American chums. Ahahahah. just kidding. I was wondering if someone would help me co-write Makes me Wonder. However I am open minded about _any other story _someone would like to help with. HOWEVER, The Forks Talent Show is MINE. Ahahah. mk. That's it.

Oh, I'm also thinking about "starting" a new story. You can vote which one you want most. It's out of three choices. I've written the bases of most of them. I plan to use more intricate details. I _would _write down the bases, which are mostly just first & second chapters but if you haven't noticed I am a VERY lazy girl. So I give you the summaries instead. REVIEW WHICH YOU WANT.

1.) _Twilight: THE REMIX!_

This is sort of like Twilight, however, the characters are mixed up, excluding the Cullens. There is no annoying Mike, however there is hot, Mr. Football Team Captain: Sebastian Flemings. There's no perky, friendly Jessica, instead there is Head cheerleader, major bitch: Olivia Hamptington. Oh, but there is Edward Cullen. Only not mysterious, dark, lonely Edward Cullen. Instead there's Drama Club Hottie, student body president, extremely womanizing, Edward Cullen. And yes, There's the other Cullens scattered around the school. Emmett: Football star? Alice: Popular? Rosalie: Cheerleader? Jasper: captain of the science club!?Oh, and it isn't small Forks High anymore. Nope, it's incredibly huge, largely populated, Forks Prepatory a.k.a. Forks Prep. Oh, and of course we can't forget about the new girl, Bella Swan. However, this isn't shy, quiet, afraid, and plain Bella Swan. Nope, it's highly opinionated, being fought for by Ivy league colleges at only 16, charming, funny, but 'hey-i-can-be-a-bitch-if-i-need-to' Bella Swan.(Basically how Bella would act if she were...well me. And you know you want to find out.)And YES, the Cullens are vampires.

2.) _I'm Sorry, But Does it Look Like I Care?_

Bella Swan. New girl, socialite, pretty, good friend to the celebrities, and uninterested. What if Bella didn't care AT ALL about the Cullens. Well, it seems that way when during lunch she was texting on her sidekick while Jessica was giving her the dirt on them. Even when she saw them, she didn't really care. Nothing made her want to go and try to be friends with them. They were just...insignificant. How would this effect..EVERYTHING? Find out.

3.) _The Reunion (One Shot)_

Ten years Later. Bella moved on. She's currently 28 and married to a young, wealthy Harvard Professor. She's an architect and Artist and has aged wonderfully. What happens when her husband invites some of his students to his yearly cocktail party. It just happens to be that one of the selected students happened to be none other than a certain.. Edward Cullen.

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! PICK! HELP WRITE! WHATEVER, do something. But mostly if you want me to pursue writing another story I'd like to make progress on another story with maybe YOUR help. OH, and you have to have aim to help me because I don't know how to do private messaging.


	5. Banquets, Juicy Couture, Used

**YES, I've finally updated. LOL. Ohhh, next chapter is quite scandalous...**

HEY HEY YOU YOU, I Don't Like Your Girlfriend!  
Rating: PG-13  
_chapter four  
_**The Academy**

BPOV

I glared menacingly at that..that women who kicked us out of Coldstone's. Jake just snickered when she told us "kids" to leave.

"So..." I said to Jake, as we walked somewhere else. Jake was currently looking at the ground, hands shoved into his pockets. He looked up, "What are we doing tonight?" I asked, since I spent most of my time with Jake and the pack.

"I'm going to Seattle today," he answered, his scarf sort of making it sound like a muffle. Why was Jake going to Seattle? Freak.

"Why are you going to Seattle?" I asked.

"Some sort of banquet/social gathering for valedictorians of Washington schools," he replied. Ah, yes. Jacob was a nerd, I almost forgot.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot you were... smart," I said smirking. This caused Jake to glare at me and pout.

"You really shouldn't pout, Jake. It really doesn't work for you; my first thoughts were: How queer," I simply stated.

"Well then, I guess you don't want to accompany me as my date to the seattle thing..." he said smirking. Damn you, Jake. Damn you. He knew that I loved going to big cities now, since I was always afraid of going to them when I was that weak and innocent human.

"You know I'd love to go Jake," I responded smiling sweetly at him. He just stared at me for a few seconds, as if thinking it over.

"Okay," he answered, "But only because it'll make the other guys jealous, and I shall be superior," he said looking into the sky as if he gained some new power.

"Your such a loser, I swear," I said nodding my head in regret, "Anyways, see you later. Need to get ready for your banquet thing," I said waving my hand to dismiss him since we were already in front of Laurent's house, where I stayed.

"OH! And wear that all black suit I gave you to wear to last year's dance!" I yelled to him, knowing perfectly well he and his 'super' hearing could hear me.

I walked into the grand mansion Laurent owned. It wasn't exactly in Forks but you can't find anywhere to build something like this in Forks without attracting attention. I looked around for Laurent. Everything was marble, or gold. Laurent's idea. I didn't see him, must be hunting.

I happily trotted up to my room. I loved going into the city. The lights, skyscrapers, everything. I remember the last Jacob and I went to Seattle was to go to the Indie Film Festival there. That was a fun day, lately all my days have been fun since I was changed. I don't know why Edward was so scraed about 'damning me'. Well, Edward doesn't matter, what matters is me & what I'm going to wear.

I wish Emily was here, or maybe even Alice...I sighed as I walked into my huge closet. The automatic lights turned on unexpectly, momentarily blinding me. Geez, I hate Jake for installing those. I walked down to the dresses section, browsing the selection. Versace, Marc Jacobs, Calvin Klein, Burberry, Dior, ahhhhh! I found the perfect one: Juicy Couture. It was cute: black with white prints on it, short, and classy. Perfect private school material. Hmmm, now just need to pair it with black, knit tights and white pumps. As for my hair I decided to leave it straight and down, since my bangs were cooperating with me today. Make up...hmmm. Since I'm leaving my fringe down and not clipping them up I decided to go with the 'smokey eyes' a.k.a. lathering a huge amount of black eye products to me. I grabbed my Burt's Bees lip shimmer, applied some, and stashed into the leather clutch bag. I'm ready, good, cause I have time to spare.

I walked downstairs in search for something to eat since at the banquet there would most likely just be finger food. Oh, how I detest finger food. I opened the fringe to see that Laurent had ordered some Chinese for me. Wonderful. I loved how Laurent would order stuff for me even though he couldn't eat it himself and thought it smelled disgusting. It's really comforting to know that the guy who's pretending to be your father actually cares for you.

I was half way into my eggrolls when I heard the door click open. Laurent? No, it's just Jake.

"Hey," Jake greeted as he entered the kitchen trying to grab an eggroll. I quickly slapped his hand away.

"Don't they feed you at home?" I muttered as he went for my fried rice since he was refused an eggroll.

"No," he answered, his mouth full of food, "Everytime I tell Billy I'm hungry, he tells me to go to your house," he finished.

"Okay, let's jet," I said reaching for my car keys. At first he looked at me wierdly. Freak.

"Did you just say 'let's jet'?" he said incredulously. I gave him a look that said 'shut up'.

* * *

The car ride there was fun. I let Jake drive since he said he'd go fast. I didn't want to because I wanted to take in the view. It was around 8:45 when we got there and the event started at 9:00. Great, we're early. 

The event was held at an expensive looking hotel: marble, chandeliers, expensive carpets, everything. _Touché. _Jacob and I walked through the double doors holding hands. Jacob said that the only reason he was bringing me was to show me off and he wanted to use my car; Hmpf. I feel so used.

When we walked in I was surprised to see that the ballroom, where this event was held, was already packed. Wow, I guess scholars are always early. I saw the whole room turn to us. Jake smirked when he saw that all the guys were giving him envious glares. I laughed when I saw that all the girls looked homicidal, their glares directed at me. Except one girl. This girl looked happy and excited. This girl was waving at me from across the room, while her date was smirking at me. This girl was Alice Cullen. Oh that's just _Perfect. _


End file.
